THE WORLD I KNEW

It's a new day






After having spent a beautiful journey in my old school, I joined a new school with a lot of expectations and fear. The saddest thing in life is to not speak to someone with whom you used to speak to every day and naturally my mind couldn't digest the fact that my friends who were there to hear all my cries and laughs aren't there to even hear my pain of missing them. My heart never knew loneliness until then. I didn't know anybody here except one, he was Akash who too was from the same school as mine but we hardly had spent time together. On the first day of school, I befriended two people, one was Rithi and the other was (cough) Koushik and that is when I realized the start of my new life. He used to sit beside me, fair in complexion, really cool by looks and also had a kind of funny bones that he could make you burst out laughing any moment. We talked, talked and talked and soon I realized days started rolling like hours, a thousand thanks to Mark Zuckerberg that Facebook helped him to keep me busy even at home. It all started on one fine Saturday that he texted me hi, why wouldn't I be excited to reply back my first friend in this new world but who would have known that hi was the start for all the dramas that occurred in my life. Soon, as days passed by I was literally hit by the Koushik effect as I still remember rushing down, taking my phone and chat all day long with him as soon as I turned home. So to an extent, I felt him around me all day long making me smile, laugh and think a lot and indulging a lot of happiness in me. On one fine day, we all were playing truth or dare in class and it turned out that he should question me, and sir Mr.Romeo questioned me about my last crush and I said it was Ashwin of my old school in a sportive manner but to my great surprise Ashwin was followed by him the same evening. It was certainly an eye opener for me but hardly did I mind all that and eventually my days went on smooth and happy, with me sharing a lot about my friends and family to Koushik both in class and home while he speaks about his people. Soon I noticed that he started following everyone I had mentioned and I didn’t understand what he was trying to do at all when came the first school field trip surrounded with a lot of fun, music and chatters all around and our gang of friends were playing a game called or-or which usually is a game of choosing your priorities among two given choice and eventually I was raised a question asking Koushik or Akash. In spite of all the times, I shared with Koushik, Akash being my long-time friend I preferred saying Akash only to see Koushik’s face turn horrible red filled with anger that Akash who was a close ally of Koushik, himself said me personally “ Sis, you should have better said Koushik.” And I had no clue what was happening and what was there for him to turn such horribly red. Fortunately I finally got the hint to solve this riddle that disturbed me all the time, within a couple of days when I reached home and grabbed my phone up I heard a ping and it was obviously his message that read “Man, I seriously love you and I don’t think I can live without you.”
This came out as a definite shock for me that I stayed numb for some time I didn’t know what exactly to feel like as I haven’t ever thought the existence of this route and without giving me any time to think another notification pinged “come on reply!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” with a whole lot of chaos filled in my mind I replied “sorry Koushy! I have never seen you in that aspect “to my surprise his reply was “chill out, it was just a prank” and I felt like thank god as I feared about losing one of the fewest friends I had here due to this unwanted stuff but my relief didn’t last long the very next day he proposed again and I was quick to remind him that he isn’t a prankster to try the same thing every day hoping it too to be a prank as the other day but he seemed to be serious this time and my heart started to pop terribly fast restricting me to think, thousands of questions flashed my mind but I hardly was able to concentrate on one, it seriously was a weird feeling when your good friend wants to be your better half but I seriously loved him as a friend and I wasn’t sure how good things will be when he is my boyfriend so after thinking for a lengthy 10 minute yes! Lengthy 10 minutes I replied “sorry koushy I don’t think this will work I wish we are just friends” and I got the reply that was an obvious trademark of disapproval “hmmm”. Eventually, our conversations reduced to a massive extent and became very formal. Missing him was worse but what was more horrible is when I knew I was the reason he was gone. I tried to keep myself busy that I don’t miss him but the very second I finish it I see the great memories and how it all got so spoilt within a couple of months. Incidentally I realized the greatness of the effect he had on me that I felt incomplete in his absence I longed for time with him and I got angry when he tried to distance himself from me and I was echoed all around me that THIS IS CALLED LOVE so without wasting any time and without any conventional rose and kneeling down I simply texted him “man, I don’t know what you did to me but I think I too love you” .

THE WORLD I KNEW

CHAPTER 2:

LOST AND FOUND

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Getting through the phase of the breakup was eventually a hell at least for me who loved him truly, whose mere heartbeat was for him. Those days of love and pure love, I cannot imagine how he got over it so soon when my one corner of my mind still loved him irrespective of everything he did to me, maybe now I understand why they say love is blind.my mindset seemed even more complicated than ever before, I was happy but then the happiness was forced into me dumping down the stones of sorrow that hit me hard and not natural. I hated him but above all, I still missed him, missed the days when my head was on his shoulders and the times when his lips were on my cheeks. Though my brain knew my life was trapped in the hands of a wrong guy, I struggled a lot to bring my mind come in terms to reality but some places and some things always filled my eyes with tears and one such place was where I asked my friends to come over. Pearls, the famous ice cream parlor in our town, it's the place where I have had countless memories of him and just him..... I went inside and occupied my usual seat and as I closed my eyes for a second, an image of his hand over mine flashed over my eyes, streams of tears streamed down my cheeks and onto my neck. The feeling that I would die for back then seemed to cause a burn in my hand now. My relationship with him had isolated me from everyone. I learned to fake emotions, my smiles, and laughs, everything found a different meaning and in doing so I reckon I didn't just lose my friends but to a large extent lost myself. Yet his flattering words made me helpless in attempting to spend some quality time with my friends but the bitter truth is that someone else has already fallen for those same evil flattering words, all I could feel is sorry for that poor soul as my eyes have no tears left to feel for it nor does my heart has any emotions left for him, yet I found myself in a position where I was confused if I ought to feel for my breakup or infuriate my anger of having been cheated but after all I clearly understood true friends will stick to you forever as it is the only relationship that has no expectations but just love. In my life I can be proud enough I have made some of those. When I called them out, I thought it will be a strong denial but they turned out with so much excitement as if they were readily waiting for the moment. These are all the moments that give you a smoothing Goosebumps, the weird feeling of happiness that cannot be described by words. I strongly believed that if somebody could get me out of these complications and make my life crazily happy that would be these lunatics. After going through a horrible phase of life I cannot ask for a better day than this. We ordered the ice creams of our choice. Akshay chose black current, Anu preferred the butterscotch, Arjun struck up with chocolate and I preferred having a red velvet cake. Arjun mockingly said "Shreya I will kick your *** if you don't pay the bill" facing me I laughed out loud and replied "Add yourself to the bill too so that I could take you along to home" for which he was so quick in saying "if that's the case I will come with you for free”, I smiled to myself as these are some precious words that will stay forever but his follow up expressed his disappointment but he seemed to be concerned that I shouldn't get hurt, he continued "but I don't think you can spare anytime for me buddy". A drop of tears rolled down my cheek and I was quick to wipe it off I promised him and everyone there "guys, come on all my life is going to be with you all" patting on Arjun's shoulders. I felt how much more a buddy like Arjun deserve and what he had got from me in return. I cannot waste any more time for undeserving people rather would spend a lifetime with all my loved ones who deserve everything...as our conversation progressed my thoughts started getting more optimistic and the minute emotions for him seemed to fade away from me. When it was the time for the bill I joked to the man at the counter saying "brother, can you please pack him too" facing Arjun who looked as if he was revived from an African plague, unbelievably thin. The man in counter smiled out and Arjun showed that weird expression which has no standard meaning at all. I said Arjun that I will meet him in his home by evening as he just lived across my home and offered to drop Akshay in his home before I leave. Akshay and I occupied the back seat leaving the front seat vacant and asked the driver to leave. Akshay, who knew nothing other than the fact that I was committed asked me "so how is your guy?” Out of nowhere, tears rolled down my eyes again and Akshay seemed to have no clue about what was happening. With a base tone, I asked Akshay "Ash will you mind me bursting out everything in my mind so that I feel relieved" and he had only two possible options no and absolutely no, he chose the second option.

THE WORLD I KNEW

CHAPTER 1:BROKEN


I must admit it wasn't easy at all to accept the parting of hearts and the division of souls. my eyes that were destined just to look at his naughty wink were all in red as I realized he wasn't mine anymore. All memories forcibly came into my vision. Everything that happened around connected me to him. I longed for solitude parallelly searching for a companion to share my pain but still lacked words to express it and moreover lacked confidence that anybody could understand my feelings. I was down to my feet, hitting my head in despair howling with weird noises. my room was lit in night yellow and the windows tightly closed with ivory curtains making sure that no light dared to enter in nor did some light find a chance to brighten the darkest phase of my life, in fact, I wasn't in any state to welcome any note of positivity into me but on another hand negative thoughts settled completely into my mind as if they are its new tenants. every passing day I had to tackle different thoughts of the same 'negativity' tag .my bedsheets were already crushed and sour fully wet and my cheeks which rested in his lips over the months now found the pillow to take over. I used to think most part of my day how great it will be if he was with me now but instantaneously my brain will slipper whack my mind and say it can't get any worse if I have to spend another life with him and before I realize it my mind will be diverted to the thoughts of everything that I had lost because of him and thoughts of our great memories will soon fade away by the darkness of the horrible moments that he had given me through the journey. I was arrested by myself within my bedroom and felt as if there weren't any connections between me and the rest of the world, the case had been the same over the months but instead he was my world my universe and beyond and the fact that he no longer belongs to me, my mind was in the process of witnessing the destruction of universe. Mumma was the only person who connected me to the external world. She was with the heaviest heart seeing her girl in a way she never would wish to see in her lifetime, she tried to convince me in all possible words she even didn't resist herself and gave a word she would accept him if he is loyal to you but how can I say her the person with whom I was ready to share my life forever had put up the worst possible blames  he could on me, with a half mind I just nodded my head to her which is when I felt how blessed I was to have such a parents but yet the thoughts about him struck deep in me like a leach. To make it clear I am basically not like this, there were days when people used to be jealous of my carefree attitude elements such as craziness and fun surrounded me to a large extent, I loved being with a fun loving gang I wasn't aware of any emotion other than happiness. my dad made sure that he treated me like a princess, I reckon it is an effect of some evil eye that had dragged me into this situation. Oh no I had started thinking like a granny. When I was conclusive  that there will be no revival for me, suddenly a new fresh energy woke me up which wasn't from anywhere else but just from myself, I insisted myself that my mom's prayers had come true that I felt a lot confident and like I had gone back in years but this time I was more mature and had a great understanding of the people and the world.

Dark clouds that were loomed over my head slowly paved its way away from me, I splashed some water on my bulged and red face resulted as the effect of all the crying. my face looked awful in the mirror, my pink t-shirt seemed wrinkled as of a granny and almost had turned red.I decided to take a fresh bath which I don't remember when it happened last but this time every drop of water that touched my body kicked out my depression. I wore my favorite pair of a black tee and denim pants then combed my hair tight and puffed up in the front and then felt so boastful of myself and shouted "girl you look beautifulllll!!!!" looking at my reflection on the mirror. I lumbered back from the room and saw dad in his vest catching a cup of tea in one hand and the regional newspaper that highlights the same murder and accident every day on the other. I hugged him from behind and thought to say "dad I wish I remain your baby girl forever" but resisted myself in saying "I love you pa" which meant everything I wanted to say for which he immediately replied "love you too my princess" and kissed on my forehead and soon as mom passed through she was plastered with an infectious smile to a depth in which I had never seen before. I rushed to her and asked, "ma I want to go and hang out with my friends" for which I knew the reply even before she responded as she was ready for anything that will get me back from that depression.